We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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