So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
