so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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