I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
