I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
