Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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