in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
