You really coming over, don't trick.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
