btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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