Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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