I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dicks are not precious.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
