Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
