I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
