I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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