Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
