yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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