cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
