There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Two words: blizzard sex
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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