just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
