Betty ford says i'm here all night
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
