Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I am never drinking with the goths again.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
