Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
