you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
