Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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