I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
