Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
