idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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