my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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