Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
