Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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