Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
