what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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