I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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