He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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