I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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