I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
