If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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