hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
