Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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