Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
