its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
