I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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