Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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