Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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