Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
