i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
