we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
