Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I will pee on everything he values.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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