good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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