Me too!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
