I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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