K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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