After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
