I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
