I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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