The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
