Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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