remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
