I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
